ELEPHANTS, PART III
In traditional cultures, young men didn’t become adults by accident. They were initiated by being guided through difficulties, stripped of ego, and reintroduced to the community with new responsibilities.
Fr. Richard Rohr argues that we’ve eliminated these rites, leaving many young men biologically grown but psychologically unfinished.
Work, for better or worse, has become one of the few remaining places where initiation still happens. Not the “new-guy” hazing that still happens in some businesses. I’m talking about something deeper and more meaningful that plays out subtly over a longer period of time.
Deadlines teach discipline—I’m part of something bigger than just myself.
Standards teach humility—I may not be as good as I want to think.
Service teaches meaning—life is about more than just satisfying my own needs.
Business leaders often become the elders whether they intend to or not.
What’s striking about this is how often business owners miss it when they’re younger. When building fast and scrambling for customers, cash, and credibility, they don’t have the bandwidth to see themselves as elders. They’re just trying to survive or accumulate. To prove something. To stay ahead of the next fire. At that stage, leadership feels transactional and urgent, not formative or symbolic.
But something shifts with time.
As a business stabilizes, or as an owner simply gets tired of running flat out, they begin to notice their quieter impact. They see how people watch them when things go wrong. How their tone sets the temperature. How restraint, or the lack of it, echoes long after the moment passes.
Their perspective widens. Speed slows. Presence deepens. And without ever consciously deciding to, they begin to occupy a different role.
This creates a different measure of success and reframes the question of how or who they impact.
Yes, revenue matters. So does profit, efficiency, and growth. But there’s another ledger that is rarely acknowledged.
Did someone leave the company more grounded than when they arrived? Did they learn how to work without becoming hardened or cynical? Did they gain confidence without becoming arrogant?
I haven’t seen any studies to support this, but I’ve seen evidence that makes me wonder if this is one of the unconscious drivers behind why so many people start small businesses. They want to play a role in people’s lives beyond just providing them with a paycheck. They want to help them become better versions of themselves.
Not every life will change. But sometimes, simply being present is enough to restore balance for those who need it.
In a world that feels increasingly unmoored, that might be one of the most meaningful returns on investment we’ll ever realize.
